Dear Anxious Mind: Sorry I’m on Vacation.

Dear anxious mind:

Thank you for your inquiry into how exactly my future is going to turn out.  Unfortunately, I am out of the office on vacation so can no longer engage in our usual struggles.

In fact, I’m not sure if I’m coming back.

Sure it was fun worrying about always looking cool at parties, if I have enough money in the bank account, if my boss is going to fire me, if I should get a new wardrobe, if my partner is going to leave me, if the worst possible thing is always going to happen.

Those were good times.  You would say “what about this?!” and “what about that!?” and I would say “Oh shit, I got to do something about that!”

And then we would have a little depression.  It was good times.

I remember when I was supposed to give that presentation in class in high school and you said “this is going to be terrible!” and then I started sweating and everyone laughed.  Ah the joys.

Anxious mind, you’ve always been there with me, through the embarrassing and awkward, always there to tell me “I told you so.”

Our arguments about what the “right” decision to make, your endless obsessions about safety, and the fight-or-flight response, oh how I will miss that about you so.

I used to spend hours trying to prove you wrong and get rid of you, lock you up, and pretend you didn’t exist.  But every time you found your way back.  How did you do that?

I’m not sure, but I guess it doesn’t really matter now, because I’m on vacation.

I do apologize for the inconvenience of not being able to follow your every suggestion and advice.

It’s nothing personal…it’s just…I’m not sure that your advice was very good.  Most of it never seemed quite accurate.  And when it did, I guess it just wasn’t that big of a deal as you made it out to be.

So I am sorry I won’t be there to engage in our battles or take you so seriously anymore.

I am, after all, on vacation.  You understand, right?

It’s nice here, by the way, in the present moment.  I can really get in touch with my body again, allow my emotions to flow, and notice my five senses again.

It seems like, here, I can choose my life, rather than making my purpose about you.

It’s kind of nice.

And even though we may not talk much anymore, I will still always carry you with me.  I will still be able to hear your voice of “Watch out! Something bad could happen!”

It’s just that…I’ve decided to go on vacation.  So I probably won’t be able to get back to you about that.

Sorry.